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Hi i feel utterly crap, worthless and like i don't matter Anything i have tried hasn't really worked but i haven't tried much. If i was to disappear tonight, the impact would be so minimal

It would impact my parents and i accept that but beyond that, nothing I feel like i can't make changes because they all turn into obsessions I work full time and i feel more of a hinderance than anything

I'm a miserable b**ch who must drive.

I'm not being negative or feel hateful towards women because that is their right in who they like or don't like I'm posting this for emotional reasons But i don't feel like i got all said that needs to be said yet I may continue my thoughts in the comments sections

With all my flashbacks from my childhood, i often find myself in disbelief I find it hard to believe that i'm 44 years old, and. I believe what they say, and i don't see any alternative, but there is this flame inside of me that won't go out it feels like It further angers me to see people rush to the defense of my mom when i display frustration, with them talking to me like i'm some irrational and dysfunctional child.

Like i just don’t matter

I don’t feature in their lives This only further amplifies my feelings of being completely alone in this world With not a sole to turn to for support, or even a friend to listen It makes me angry too

It makes me feel like i want to cut all contact with my family, because i am so tired of feeling hurt and. I just feel like i don’t matter anymore i’m not good enough and i don’t know what to do anymore just give up on everybody I feel like if i died tomorrow nobody would even know my fav song or flower that’s sad but it’s the reality i guess. For example, i see people engaging happily with others but they speak to me in a monotone way like i am not as important or like i don't matter

I have seen some people feel bad and ask for help, and so many people rushed to support them, care about them, offer them advice, etc

Some people will just never get there, no matter how hard they try Some people will just remain mediocre or bad And people who don't understand what it's like to fail at everything despite your best efforts say to just keep trying They have had some setbacks and were able to overcome them with some effort.

@dewey hi dewey, i don't trust people, anyone, ever with the exception of my son and children I will always love her, but she sometimes spoke really bad about me to me, but worse about me to others and i would over hear or find out from someone else. Considering all of this i don't really know what to do I am not emotional now, writing this, and i rarely am anyway

There is a lot more that i could describe but this is getting quite long already

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